


love me like i'm brand new

by violetholdsme



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Emotional Sex, Established Relationship, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Grinding, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Riding, Safe Sane and Consensual, safe words, yeoyan are in love uwu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:47:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27420664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetholdsme/pseuds/violetholdsme
Summary: Yanan always gave him warmth that would last, whether or not he had his clothes on.
Relationships: Yan An/Yeo Changgu | Yeo One
Comments: 8
Kudos: 43





	love me like i'm brand new

**Author's Note:**

> as the self-proclaimed ceo of yeoyan i have decided to water the yeoyan smut tag tonight~~ please note that i'm not exactly great or experienced at writing this kind of fic at all so i hope this suffices until the tag is watered again T-T
> 
> title is from call it what you want by taylor swift.
> 
> enjoy <3

Tuning out the sound of running water was something that Changgu had gotten accustomed to lately, and pretty quickly too. It was something that he learned while learning how to catch himself when he was staring, which was way more often than he’d have liked to admit.

But he thinks no one can blame him, really一not when his boyfriend was that attractive, graceful even with his back turned while he washed the dishes. Not when Yanan looked brilliant in the light of warm fluorescents, the bulbs casting a soft glow on them both after they decided to forego a purely candlelit dinner. It was too dark, anyway, and anything bright enough would’ve definitely been a fire hazard.

It was their eighth month anniversary, and they opted for an intimate, home-cooked, candlelit dinner instead of their usual night out on the town. The memories they had made while cooking the food were probably better to savor than the food itself, but neither of them seemed to mind. They were on the phone with Yanan’s mother all afternoon, and the woman (bless her heart,) patiently gave them instructions along the way even though they were clearly messing and mixing things up the whole time. It was quite a quiet way to spend the day, but it was something they both clearly enjoyed.

They were taking it slow一at least, that’s what they agreed upon. It was true in its own ways, even though Yanan almost basically lived in Changgu’s apartment at this point and they picked each other up after work almost every single day. It wasn’t like they were in any rush, anyway一they had been best friends for fifteen years, had waited and danced around each other that long, and they had the whole rest of their lives to figure out everything else. If Changgu was being honest, though, that was probably mostly because of him一 _his_ doubts, _his_ reservations, _his_ fears. But when he allowed himself to finally give in to the man that had always been right in front of him, he guessed that maybe falling in love with his best friend was the best bad decision he’s ever made.

“Are you alright, Baobao?”

Yanan’s voice snapped Changgu out of his daydream, and he looked up at his boyfriend from where he was seated at the dining table. The water was still running.

“I’m fine.”

Yanan smiled at him before turning back to finish the rest of the dishes, and Changgu continued the staring he was doing earlier.

His apartment was small; it was nothing like Yanan’s spacious penthouse, but it wasn’t cramped or uncomfortable. It could be called cozy, even, especially with the warm lighting and the two glasses of red wine in front of him. It was small enough for him to get a good look at his boyfriend while his back was turned, and _damn,_ was he getting a _good look_.

Yanan had slipped on some casual, old, white t-shirt for their date, despite Changgu’s insistence that he dress up in something just a _little bit_ nicer. But Changgu was thankful he hadn’t listened to him, because the shirt hugged Yanan’s back perfectly, showing off the broad shoulders and defined muscle underneath. His sweatpants weren’t helping either, still loose but they fit Yanan perfectly, showing off his long legs, glorious thighs and ass, and Changgu felt a blush rise to his cheeks. This time he was pretty sure it wasn’t because of the wine.

“Yananie?” Changgu called out, soft but reverberating around the small space. The water turned off, and Yanan walked over to him.

“Yes, Bao?” Yanan ran a hand through Changgu’s hair. Changgu immediately leaned into it, looking up into dark brown eyes.

“Are you done with the dishes?”

Yanan smiled softly, placing a kiss on his boyfriend’s forehead. “I could be. What’s up?”

Changgu pulled him down slowly until he was close enough to feel the hot breath on his skin, snaking his hands onto the back of Yanan’s neck.

“I want to kiss you.”

“Then I’m done with the dishes,” Yanan said, before he leaned in.

They had done this several times before, kissing and touching, but never going any further. _Taking it slow,_ as they said, and they both knew why. There were simply some things that Changgu wasn’t ready for, no matter how many years had passed. But he didn’t have to be thinking about that right now.

Yanan’s hands were in his hair, tentative and gentle. Changgu smiled at the consideration, at how Yanan always understood, how he was the only one that ever really did. He deepened the kiss, leaning up as Yanan was still hovering over him, and the grip on his hair tightened as he let out a soft sigh into Yanan’s mouth. 

Changgu only pulled away to bring his hands down onto Yanan’s chest, feeling the tension in his muscles and the heat of his boyfriend’s skin through the tight white shirt. He stood up quickly, turning Yanan around and flipping their positions, Yanan now on the chair as Changgu straddled his lap, their wine glasses all but forgotten. Yanan looked a bit surprised, but relaxed when Changgu kept going, kissing him on the lips with more fire every time.

Changgu moved away from Yanan’s mouth soon enough, finding sensitive patches of skin on Yanan’s jaw and neck and behind his ear, kissing him all over and sucking marks onto the skin whenever he felt Yanan’s breath hitch. Yanan let out a soft moan when Changgu sucked gently in the dip of his collarbone, causing Changgu to stop and smirk at his lover.

“Changgu…”

“You like it, Yananie?”

“Yes,” Yanan let out a whine, as Changgu placed more open-mouthed kisses on the side of his neck. “Like it so much, Bao.”

Changgu didn’t relent at the pet name, kissing Yanan more roughly as the younger moaned and tightened his grip that had found Changgu’s hair along the way. Changgu could feel Yanan straining where their hips met, and he grinded down experimentally, earning him a drawn out moan as Yanan bucked his own hips up for more friction.

“Fuck, Changgu.” He took it as a sign to keep going, grinding down on Yanan and kissing him deep and sinful. Changgu wasn’t much better off than his boyfriend, but something about reducing him into this wonderful chorus of moans and whines was pure bliss. Knowing he made Yanan feel _that_ good made him feel just as amazing.

Yanan grabbed Changgu by the hips, pulling him even closer, and Changgu bit back a moan as he felt Yanan’s hardness against his ass. Yanan seemed to notice his reluctance, pulling back for a moment before speaking softly.

“What’s wrong, Bao?”

“Nothing.”

“You can tell me, it’s okay. Tell me what’s wrong.”

 _What’s wrong_ was that Changgu had promised himself that he would never again give up control, told himself that he had to keep his guard up if he would ever do anything like this again. And he had, on every single meaningless affair he had taken on ever since his first heartbreak, which he had also promised would be his last and only. As far as he was concerned, he would die before letting anyone else inside一whether it was his heart or his home or his body.

“Want you, Yanan.”

But then again, after years of pushing everyone out, Yanan had remained. Yanan was always there, Yanan was the only one that Changgu was afraid of losing. Yanan had been in his heart for so long, even when Changgu didn’t realize it. He was the only thing Changgu was willing to risk _love_ for again. And he did. And as scared as he was, Yanan’s love proved to be all he ever wanted. Yanan made him feel _real_ , like he was himself, like that was okay. Like Changgu was a person and not a prize to show off to the world, a whole entire _being_ and not a tool for money or pleasure.

“Want you, too, baby. I’ve wanted you for so long.”

Changgu absolutely melted at the pet name this time, grinding down harder on Yanan’s clothed erection, letting his moans slip out as he felt the pressure on his ass. Changgu thinks the polished wood Yanan’s sitting on seems like it would be a bit uncomfortable but Yanan doesn’t seem to care, as he bucks his hips up to meet him halfway. Changgu takes pity on him soon enough, though, slowing down before kissing Yanan slowly but still passionately, hands around the younger man’s neck.

“Let’s take this to the bedroom, yeah?”

***

Changgu let out a soft gasp as Yanan laid him on the bed, ever so gentle. Changgu slipped his hand under Yanan’s shirt now, letting himself feel the heat, biting his lip at the squirm Yanan let out as Changgu gently toyed with one of his nipples. Yanan was sensitive there, apparently. Changgu made sure to take note of that.

The younger man took his own shirt off soon enough, and then worked at undoing the big buttons of Changgu’s button-up sweater. As cute as it was, Yanan couldn’t resist licking his lips at what was underneath; he leaned down then, eager to take in more of his boyfriend now that he could see, admiring Changgu’s toned chest and slim waist. He brought his lips down onto Changgu’s collarbone, working his way down to his chest and stomach, eyes fluttering as he looked up into his boyfriend’s eyes. Yanan moved back up, teasing Changgu like the elder had done to him, swirling his tongue around one of his nipples and twisting the other one in his finger.

Changgu let out a low moan at the stimulation, his hips moving upward in search of any kind of friction. Changgu caught his breath before pulling Yanan up towards him, kissing him hungrily. 

“Yanan, I…”

Changgu suddenly couldn’t find the words, and he swore he could see the slight flicker of fear in the younger’s eyes. Yanan had always been much more softhearted, and the last thing he wanted was for Yanan to feel embarrassed in any way. 

“Are you sure you want to do this, Yananie?”

“Yes.” Yanan nodded, though Changgu could hear his voice shaking. “Do you? Want to do this? I mean, I’ve never done this before…”

Changgu softened at that again, eyes meeting his lover’s. Yanan was so sweet, so innocent, he was gentle, and caring, and for all intents and purposes, a virgin. Changgu realizes that maybe Yanan was just as scared as he was. He took his boyfriend’s hand, placing a kiss on his knuckles and simply nodding in response.

Yanan gripped his hand tight. “I need you to say it, baby. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I want you,” Changgu said, warmth flooding his chest. “Want to make you feel good, Yananie… please.”

Yanan didn’t urge him to say more, probably sensing the shyness in his tone. He simply continued his trail of kisses down Changgu’s torso, dragging more whines out of him before stopping at the waistband of his shorts. “Can I take these off?”

“Mhm.”

Yanan pulled down his shorts and underwear, leaving Changgu bare. As he was about to place kisses on Changgu’s thigh, the elder spoke up, timid.

“You too, please.”

“Okay, baby.”

Yanan did as he was told, and they were both naked when he started trailing wet kisses on Changgu’s inner thigh. Yanan assumed he was doing well when Changgu’s cock twitched at every mark he sucked into the skin, and Changgu’s hands found their way into his hair.

“Yanan, please.”

“What do you want, baby?”

“Just touch me, anything, please…”

Yanan obliged, taking Changgu’s already leaking cock and stroking the base. When Changgu moaned at the touch, Yanan wrapped his lips around the flushed head, swirling his tongue around and sucking softly. Changgu let out a whimper and bucked his hips up slightly, trying not to get too rough.

The feeling was surreal. Yanan’s mouth was hot as he took in more and more of him, bobbing his head and making slick, wet noises with his mouth. Truthfully, when he was with his ex-boyfriend, Changgu had never been on the receiving end; it was always Changgu giving and letting him take, offering himself up to be used and played with. He thought he liked it, before. It was too late when he realized he didn’t. Point is, Changgu had never received a blowjob, and he was finding it hard to believe that Yanan had never given one.

Because God, it felt fucking amazing.

Yanan was gradually taking his cock inch by inch, opening up more whenever Changgu thrusted into him. Spit was drooling out of Yanan’s mouth by the time he took everything, and Changgu could feel himself hitting the back of Yanan’s throat. The fire in the pit of his stomach was burning, and he knew he wasn’t going to last if they kept going like this.

“I’m一 I’m gonna come, please, Yanan一”

“Come for me, baby,” Yanan said, replacing his mouth with his hand as soon as his lips left his boyfriend’s cock. His voice was absolutely ruined, but Changgu couldn’t even bring himself to feel bad. “Come in my mouth.”

Changgu almost did exactly that when Yanan’s plush lips wrapped around him again, but he pulled Yanan off before he could take him in one go.

“No,” Changgu said, breathless. “Want you inside me first.”

“Fuck.” Yanan’s eyes widened, and Changgu pulled him down into another heated kiss, tasting himself on Yanan’s tongue. Yanan seemed to register something, though, because his demeanor changed in a heartbeat as he looked at his boyfriend lovingly, the fire from a few seconds ago dissipating.

“I don’t want to hurt you, baby. I don’t want to hurt you like _he_ did.”

Yanan emphasized the word with a tinge of anger in his eyes, but the way he cradled Changgu’s face was comforting, like he was trying to protect him from all the bad things in the world. 

“You won’t hurt me.”

Changgu contemplated it for a while; when he had done this with his ex, he would always feel weak, almost like nothing, powerless when all he could do was lie there and take it. Clueless and confused every time his ex took advantage of the fact that stupid, young Changgu didn’t know what a _safe word_ was, and he did things he didn’t want to do. Broken and alone whenever he went home, ashamed at how he froze up because he was too afraid of what would happen if he spoke up.

But Yanan一Yanan held him so gently, waited for him for god knows how long. And Changgu knows him well enough to understand that Yanan would wait even longer if he had to, that if the memories came flooding back and it was too much, they would stop immediately. That Yanan would always love Changgu the best he could, more than he loved _fucking_ him. Because Yanan always loved him more than anything. And after everything, that was the only thing left that Changgu trusted with everything he had.

“I trust you, Yananie. I love you.”

“Alright, Baobao.” Yanan said, kissing him softly on the forehead. “I love you too.”

They resumed their kissing, the fire slowly building up again. Changgu held Yanan’s face with both of his hands, letting him place more kisses on his cheeks and suck more bruises on his neck. Changgu caught sight of Yanan’s leaking cock, flushed and neglected, and Yanan let out a surprised yelp when he felt Changgu wrap his hand around him, quickly replaced by a high-pitched whimper as he fucked shallowly into Changgu’s hand. “Changgu, fuck, you’re so good, baby, so good.”

Changgu made a grab for the lube on his bedside drawer, fumbling while he jerked Yanan off with his other hand and the younger man made the most sinful noises above him. When he found what he was looking for, he retracted his hand, smirking when Yanan chased after him. He handed the tube to his boyfriend, looking up at him shyly. 

“I want you, Yananie. Please.” He pleaded, feeling the rush of blood to his ears and chest.

Yanan had never done this before, sure, but he had learned enough from his websites and research and shyly asking all his more… experienced friends, to understand what he had to do. He knew about Changgu’s past (he was the _only one_ who knew about Changgu’s past, really), and when they started dating, he did everything he possibly could to make sure he would feel good if they started having sex. Changgu’s pleasure, his comfortーthat meant the most to him. Changgu deserved to feel loved and safe. Changgu was Yanan’s boyfriend, his best friend, his best _everything_ , and Yanan wanted him to feel strong, to feel sexy, to trust him enough to be brave. He deserved that. Changgu deserved nothing less than the best love that Yanan could give him.

“Baby,” Yanan uttered, “safe word?”

“Sunflower,” Changgu replied, having thought about it since the moment he learned what a _safe word_ even was. “You?”

“Daisy.” Yanan smiled at the delicate moment, keeping it locked in his heart to come back to later.

So Yanan nodded at Changgu, taking the lube from his boyfriend’s hands and unscrewing the lid as Changgu watched him with careful eyes. Yanan squeezed a generous amount onto his hand, coating his fingers and taking time to warm the liquid up.

Changgu’s heart fluttered at that, and he instinctively spread his legs a bit wider for Yanan, shyness slowly dissipating as Yanan looked at him with all the love in the world in his eyes. Changgu relaxed slightly, but he was still a bit nervous; as much as he loved Yanan, he never really enjoyed this part of sex, and he tried his best not to let it show.

He let out a low moan when he felt a finger at his entrance, slowly pushing past the rim, and he tried to stop himself from grinding down on it. Yanan started moving in and out, curling the digit inside of Changgu to stretch him open, and Changgu waited for that searing pain, the unnatural discomfort. It never came.

Instead, Changgu let his mouth fall open as his back arched off the bed and he was begging Yanan for more, biting his lip and clutching the bedsheets impossibly tighter in his fists. Yanan added in another finger slowly, scissoring him open as Changgu clenched and relaxed around him. By the time Yanan had worked the third finger in, Changgu’s back was arching off the bed as he tried to get Yanan deeper into him, and precum was pooling at the tip of his hard cock from all the times Yanan had brushed against his prostate. “Yanan, I’m ready. Please, baby, fuck me. Please.”

Changgu didn’t know where all the words came from, all the embarrassment from earlier thrown out the window. He wanted to feel good, wanted to make Yanan feel good, wanted to moan and whimper and be good just for him. Yanan was already coating his cock with a generous amount of lube and Changgu felt himself spread his legs even more, preparing to take his size, offering himself up for Yanan to use.

“Baobao,” Yanan said, right as he settled between Changgu’s legs, giving him that same, soft look again. “If you need to stop, or slow down, you need to tell me, okay? Promise me you’ll let me know.”

And then it occurred to Changgu. Yanan would _never_ use him.

“I promise.”

Yanan kissed him slowly on the lips before lining himself up with Changgu’s entrance. A groan escaped his lips as he pushed the head in, and Changgu winced a little at the pain.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s just…” Changgu said through ragged breaths, “It’s been a while. Give me a minute.”

They caught their breaths for a while, and Changgu let himself feel grounded when Yanan gave him his hand to hold. Changgu was expecting his own hand to be swatted away. At the very least, he was expecting empty air. But Yanan held onto him tight as he slowly pushed in more, and Changgu let out a whimper when Yanan finally bottomed out.

“You can move, Yananie.”

Yanan pulls back and thrusts back in slowly, both of them moaning at the sensation. Changgu was tight around Yanan’s cock, and the heat coursed through every part of his body and every inch of his skin. They had picked up a steady rhythm, not agonizingly slow but not too fast either, and Changgu was writhing underneath him, a mess of moans and murmured chants of his name. Yanan let out a loud moan when Changgu bucked his hips forward to take him deeper. That ignited something in Yanan, a burst of confidence still quiet and careful but bold nonetheless, and he slung Changgu’s legs over his shoulders to push into him deeper, changing the angle with every thrust until Changgu cried out in pleasure.

“Yanan, _fuck_ , yes… so good, baby, harder, _please…_ ”

“You’re so beautiful, Changgu, you make me feel so good,” Yanan said, eyes fluttering closed between thrusts. “Wanna make you come on your pretty little chest.”

Changgu doesn’t know how he’s held out this long, with all of the praise that’s been slipping out of his lover’s mouth the whole time. His whole body was on fire, drowning in the pleasure of Yanan inside him and Yanan’s gaze as he looked down at him, face flushed. Changgu had never felt like this before. He was always giving and letting others take, and yet Yanan made him feel so safe, Yanan made him feel sexy and beautiful and _wanted_ , and being with him didn’t feel like anything was being taken from him at all. He wasn’t just some fantasy to get off to, or a collection of pictures to look at when Yanan was bored. It didn’t matter who did what, how long they lasted, whatever superficial shit people always use to glorify sex and everything that came with it. He just wanted Yanan to feel good, and he knew Yanan wanted the same for him too.

Changgu wasn’t frail by any means, and he easily flipped them over so Yanan was under him, continuing the motion of their hips coming together. “You’re so fucking amazing, Yananie.” Changgu continued to ride his boyfriend, crying out in pleasure with every slide of Yanan’s cock against his walls, and all Yanan could do was moan, still thrusting up into him at the same rhythm. Yanan was hitting his prostate with almost every thrust, and the stimulation was pure ecstasy as Changgu threw his head back and tears started to pour from his eyes while he whimpered at the pleasure.

“Changgu,” Yanan was starting to slow down as concern started painting his flushed face. “What’s wrong, is it too much?”

Changgu only rode him harder, chasing the friction and heat. “No, it’s so good, fuck, _fuck,_ please don’t stop. Please, please, _please,_ faster一”

Changgu cut himself off with a lewd moan when Yanan obliged, thrusting back into him at full force and wrapping his hand around Changgu’s leaking cock at the same time. Changgu’s vision was going blurry at all the sensations, his legs burning from fucking himself on Yanan’s cock, and he knew he wasn’t going to last.

“Yananie…”

“Changgu,” Yanan said, breath hitching. “I’m close. Where should I一”

Changgu willed himself to grind down harder, taking in all of Yanan every time. “Inside me. Fuck, _plea_ 一”

Changgu moaned again as Yanan brushed hard against his prostate. “Yanan, Yanan, I一oh my _god…”_ Changgu was slurring his words as he went silent, concentrating on bouncing on Yanan’s dick and the feeling of Yanan’s fingers toying with his slit. Changgu looked ethereal when he was so fucked out, and Yanan knew that his boyfriend deserved every ounce of pleasure.

“You’ve been so good, baby. Come for me.”

That was all it took for the knot in the pit of his stomach to release, and Changgu came all over Yanan’s hand and chest, riding out his orgasm while his boyfriend was still inside him. His body was sensitive and hot all over, and he was shaking as Yanan stilled.

“Keep going. I want you to keep going, Yanan,” Changgu whined, needy and nearly desperate. “Please.”

Yanan continued thrusting slowly, speeding up gradually, hardly needing the encouragement as he chased his orgasm in his boyfriend’s tight heat. His cry was swallowed up by Changgu’s mouth when he came, his boyfriend leaning down to kiss him as Yanan filled him up with his cum. The pleasure was overwhelming, better than anything else he had experienced just on his own. He held Changgu through it, kissing and touching him, showing him all the love and affection he needed. Even far after it was over.

They stayed like that for what felt like hours, though it was probably only mere seconds. Yanan could see Changgu’s curls stuck to his forehead with sweat, and brushed them away softly before placing a kiss right above his eye. He flipped them over gently, Changgu pliant and sleepy in his arms, and he spoke quietly, as caring as he could manage.

“I’m going to pull out now, Baobao, okay?”

Changgu gave a sleepy nod as Yanan pulled his softening dick out of him. Changgu could feel Yanan’s cum spilling out of him, and pulled the younger man down into a passionate kiss despite his sleepy state.

“That was amazing,” Changgu said in between kisses. “You’re amazing. I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” Yanan grabbed his hand, placing a feather-light kiss on his knuckles. “Was all of it okay? You can tell me if anything was too much.”

“Everything was okay.” Changgu meant it, more than he ever had. “You made me feel… loved.”

Yanan saw Changgu’s face get visibly redder (if that was even possible) at having said something so cheesy. But Yanan was glad he said it, and even happier to let him know it was true.

“You are,” he said, standing up slowly. “You _are_ loved.” Yanan placed a chaste kiss on his lover’s lips before walking to the bathroom for a damp towel, and some other things to get them both cleaned up.

Changgu smiled as he let the tingle linger, staring at his lover’s retreating figure. He let his eyes flutter shut, knowing Yanan would be back, that he would take care of him past the euphoric high. Yanan would give him warmth that would last, whether or not he had his clothes on. And he knew he was right when Yanan returned, wiping him down gently, slipping him into soft pajama bottoms and tucking him into the thick blankets with a kiss on his brown curls. When Yanan made the familiar dip in the bed beside him, Changgu nuzzled in closer, inhaling the warmth that settled around them. It was calm and forgiving. It was bold and freeing. After years of a war with his mind and his own body, this was peace.

**Author's Note:**

> (*small note: most if not all of changgu's backstory is pretty much based on personal experience, so if you have feedback on that, please be kind, thank you)
> 
> kudos and comments are appreciated or find me on [twt](https://twitter.com/violetholdsme?s=20) :)


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